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_______________________The AXIS List:

____proving once and for all that style may be temporary, but our ire is forever

_

I. Disclai

I. Disclaimer

The internet--or "world wide web" as we computer brainiacs like to call it--can be a tricky thing indeed.

With all the kids out there doing their quote-unquote "website designs" and "powerpoint presentations" in order to "impress other people," things can get quite confusing. That's why we here at MDSC would like to get one thing straight off the bat: none of us are that smart. None of us may know how to "work simple devices" or "update a website" with any frequency. What you're about to look at is a list of a few, select groups that we currently a) dislike, b) strongly dislike or c) don't really know all that much about them, but we don't like the feeling they give us anyway.

Guaranteed privacy custom essay college help our writers.

You might notice that these groups don't change as often as they should. Again, our fullest apologies. Sleep soundly tonight knowing that individually, we all hate a lot more people and/or organizations. We can't fill this page with everyone we dislike or have a rivalry with, because that would take too much of our precious time... plus we'd just be giving free publicity to whoever those other sickos are. It would be like Oprah saying "I hate Barbara Streisand so much that I'm going to devote an entire week of shows to how much I don't like her." That's how free publicy works pops, so deal with it.

II. So Without (Much) Futher Ado... We, the assembled hooligans, vagabonds, pirates, general miscreants, ninjas* and assorted barbarous peoples that compose the Mike Ditka Street Crew would like to present to you, the list of groups and people that we love to hate. Please feel free to join or not join us in the below stated sentiments. The choice is yours, but the list remains.

III. __Did you make "The List"? ... .............................................Da' Coach is none too happy if you did

"The Bad Tipper" -- Okay, okay, so we said this list wasn't going to be in any particular order,

but did you really expect anyone else to lead off this illustrious gang of societal warts?

The United Nations

Celebrating 50 years of corruption, ineptitude and useless chit-chat. Here's to you, you blah-blah-bastards.

"The Not-Quite-Fans" -- What capri pants are to regular slacks, these guys are to fandom.

Is it a total cliche to mention that we don't like them at this point? It probably is.

Poachers

It has been said that a cheetah can run faster than any animal alive. That pound-for-pound, a gorilla is the strongest creature on the planet--strong enough to rip an evil man's arms straight out of their sockets. It has also been said that an elephant will not forget justice served or injustice suffered. An elephant will remember you and judge you by your actions for decades to come.

Well, there is one force on the planet that is swifter than a cheetah, more powerful than a gorilla and as remorseless as an elephant--and that force is justice. And it's coming for you poachers out there. Your days of illegal hunting are numbered. Justice can smell your fear.

Carlos "el Pescadito" Ruiz

He's played for the Galaxy, he's played for Dallas. That alone should put him near the top of this list of nefarious goons. But let's not forget that he's also a diving, cheating, non-child-support-paying assclown with no outside game. He's a disgrace to the world's beautiful game and he's a disgrace to humanity. Oh yeah, and Jimmy C. hates him. So there you have it. He's the Michael Bolton of the soccer world, and that puts him on the list.

Extremists and Freedom-Haters

While the personal political views of individual MDSC members are rather diverse, there is one ideal we will always unite behind: the benevolence and justice of the American way. We may not support this or that particular political party, but not a one of us is going to take any crap from some religious extremist. Mask or no mask; left or right; at home or abroad; we don't deal with religious extremists on any terms. If you hate America or you hate freedom, then you're done. Baby.

Rod Blagojevich

This isn't even a partisan political statement. This guy just flat out sucks as a governor and a person. The next time he wants to feud with someone, we suggest that he drop the battle for control of waste management facilities and just come knock on our door.

Mormons

If you don't understand this pick, then you're about one false step away from making "the list" yourself.

Careful boys. "Good time gals" might sound like a fun idea your first night on leave, but remember: you can't fight off the Axis if you've got the VD. And we need all the healthy bodies we can get because there's plenty more to go on the Axis list...

Landon Donovan

He's the Derrick Coleman of US Soccer: semi-talented, overrated, arrogant and balding. Let's move on.

Hippies

It's really nothing personal. Actually it is. Just shower and grow up. We promise we'll eventually do the same.

________

Robert "Loose Lips" Novak

(Pictured above seething at the lack of fresh puppy blood in his refrigerator)

Old "Loosey" knows that his place on this list is anything but "bullshit."

Not laughing at that bullshit reference? First check your humor glands, then check it out on iFilm here.

Timbers Army -- "Hey! We put black spots over our eyes. And that's cool for some reason!"

Next time you're in the area, give us a call. We just got off the phone with your sister.

Communists

Whoops! Looks like Economics 101 finally caught up to you guys. Better luck next time. Baby.

Axis Sally

If the name alone doesn't give it away, this World War II traitor makes the list for a number of reasons.

Danny Donuts

We're not sure what frightens us more; him being around us at games or him being around kids at schools. Check out the Donut Zone.